A piece I wrote 03/15/2014. This was something the Lord had been pressing on my heart even a few weeks before I actually wrote this. Things He was showing me and I wrestling with Him. Thought I would share it with you all.
Surrender All
Is it Him? Is He really speaking to me? No, maybe not. It's been so long and I mean, after all, I'm pretty sure He wouldn't ask that of me anyway.
Time passes and then again, "Lord? Are You really asking me this? But you know my heart, my dreams and desires. This isn't even something bad. I could understand if it was something horrible. But this? Why?"
"You need to surrender this area of your life to Me. And not just that, but everything and anyone that is attached to it." Clear as day. I have longed to hear my God speak to me. To hear His still, calm, firm yet loving voice and here it was before me with a command of such depth. Oh, how my heart has become pained with the very thought.
"But Lord, if I give you this, You may not give it back..." All He says in return, "Do you trust Me with your heart, your future?" "Of course! I don't doubt your goodness and your faithfulness. Just what I fear most is, if I fully commit to this path, I don't know how long it's going to take or how painful it's going to be..." "Do you trust Me? Will you still praise and worship Me, will you still follow Me even if I don't give this back to you?" Silence...
Two entire days of complete agony have now overcome my heart and soul as I wrestle within myself to truly surrender all. I thought I had, I spoke out about it before only to realize I never really dealt with it in the first place. Oh my God, please help me! Help my unbelief!
Day Three, I breathe deep and feel a desire, a dream, just slip away and this time I don't try to hold on to what I can with my fingertips. It is gone. Thank You Lord that I'm still alive, everything seems to be going well.
Then, that day... I had never realized perhaps how strong this dream of mine was until I was confronted with something that would then challenge the fact that I had already dealt with this. "You didn't really surrender this to God." The enemy tells me, but quickly as that thought came, my Prince was there with powerful words of His own that trumped that nasty foe. "You have surrendered it to me, but remember pick up your cross DAILY and follow me. Every time it comes up, all you need to do is continually surrender it to Me. Trust Me. I love you." Peace...
And so daily I press into Him, daily I pick up my cross. Sometimes it feels easy and light, while others burdensome and painful, yet because of my God's faithfulness, He is helping my unbelief and giving me strength to surrender all. -Amaris I. ©
