The Journey

Oh to sit and epistolize what has afflated my soul. It is quite possible it may come off as babelism, but how can one not utter what has brought to one such astir? I am beamish at the very cogitation that after such an extensive period of time, a ballast has been instilled to keep me constant. Like an Ambit fixed True North, I find that more freedom is given when I stay the course.

  One path traveled afresh, the journey of forgiveness. Seventy times seven. Four hundred and ninety, three thousand four hundred and thirty. Incalculable. How can one so coolly offer such grace to what or who we see as undeserving? I in my own fortitude cannot. Would not. By Divine intervention could I release such resentment.

  The grapnel that encased my heart for so long, has been pryed apart, tossed to the sea and crushed by the waves. My ship has left the moor, the sails have been raised and a strong  Wind carries me towards the Island of Blessing. The Island where pure treasure is yet to be discovered. 

  I anticipate the life of a sojourner and keep my sight fixed on what lies before me. On towards the sparkling waters that touch the crimson sun in the evenings and strain to embrace all the glory during the day. The adventure has only just begun. 

-Amaris I.©
 

Benumbed

Benumbed

There she stands. Boots, a light jacket, a scarf and a millinery embracing her flowing locks. The colours around her begin to fade until they've become black and white. Herself soon to follow, as if the life was being drained out like blood from her being. From vibrant and saturated to sepia and then monochrome, she soon blends in with the atmosphere.

A chill sweeps through the air and a sense of horripilation comes upon her. It seemed the Season changed so quickly and she didn't feel it. Dead frosted leaves crunch beneath her soles as she makes her way down the path of a once animated and music filled forest. Tiny snowflakes start to float all around. 

Every sound overlooked when there was an abundance of noise but now every reverberation is magnified by silence. Silence. Oh sweet silence. To stop and hear the earth grow quiet. A moment she wishes would last a while and freeze in time. Nevermind that she can feel nothing in the cold and has become paralyzed to sensation. 

In that moment of complete and utter stillness she realizes, perhaps it wasn't she who was blending with the colourless backdrop. Perhaps it was the backdrop reflecting what she felt deep within. It mimicked her apathy and her perspective had been jaded. Yet still, she is set apart. While everything around is black and white, she is monochrome. A slight hint of silver, light, that is circulating through her veins. She provides the contrast needed to reflect this pointed scene.

That beauty can be found even in a benumbed stupor. 

-Amaris I.©
 

Untitled

Untitled 

Go here, Go there

Do this, Do that

Caught up in the busyness when I probably  don't need to be

What happened to order, to time

Maybe if I took a step back, I wouldn't see blurred lines

The mat says Welcome. Don't be shocked, you walked into an ugly part of me. If you can't handle it, there's the door.

My my my... it has been quite some time since I've been able to make time to write.

  It seems that so much has been happening and at the same time, nothing really. Lately however; the Lord has been teaching me how to have patience and grace. Neither of these mind you have I perfected and mastered. That may never actually happen now that I think about it and that's okay. The idea, however; is that the Lord in his great grace, mercy and patience, helps me to continue pressing into Him for these things to be perfected in Him and by Him alone.

  What brings me to share about patience and grace you ask? Well, where to begin really.

  My grandmother on my dad's side has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and has had it for a few years now. It is not easy by any means. Anyone that tries to tell you otherwise, has not experienced it first-hand and does not understand. I don't mean that to sound harsh. Here is what I'm getting at.

Surrender All

A piece I wrote 03/15/2014. This was something the Lord had been pressing on my heart even a few weeks before I actually wrote this. Things He was showing me and I wrestling with Him. Thought I would share it with you all.

Surrender All

Is it Him? Is He really speaking to me? No, maybe not. It's been so long and I mean, after all, I'm pretty sure He wouldn't ask that of me anyway.

Time passes and then again, "Lord? Are You really asking me this? But you know my heart, my dreams and desires. This isn't even something bad. I could understand if it was something horrible. But this? Why?"

"You need to surrender this area of your life to Me. And not just that, but everything and anyone that is attached to it." Clear as day. I have longed to hear my God speak to me. To hear His still, calm, firm yet loving voice and here it was before me with a command of such depth. Oh, how my heart has become pained with the very thought.

"But Lord, if I give you this, You may not give it back..." All He says in return, "Do you trust Me with your heart, your future?" "Of course! I don't doubt your goodness and your faithfulness. Just what I fear most is, if I fully commit to this path, I don't know how long it's going to take or how painful it's going to be..." "Do you trust Me? Will you still praise and worship Me, will you still follow Me even if I don't give this back to you?" Silence...

Two entire days of complete agony have now overcome my heart and soul as I wrestle within myself to truly surrender all. I thought I had, I spoke out about it before only to realize I never really dealt with it in the first place. Oh my God, please help me! Help my unbelief!

Day Three, I breathe deep and feel a desire, a dream, just slip away and this time I don't try to hold on to what I can with my fingertips. It is gone. Thank You Lord that I'm still alive, everything seems to be going well.

Then, that day... I had never realized perhaps how strong this dream of mine was until I was confronted with something that would then challenge the fact that I had already dealt with this. "You didn't really surrender this to God." The enemy tells me, but quickly as that thought came, my Prince was there with powerful words of His own that trumped that nasty foe. "You have surrendered it to me, but remember pick up your cross DAILY and follow me. Every time it comes up, all you need to do is continually surrender it to Me. Trust Me. I love you." Peace...

And so daily I press into Him, daily I pick up my cross. Sometimes it feels easy and light, while others burdensome and painful, yet because of my God's faithfulness, He is helping my unbelief and giving me strength to surrender all. -Amaris I. ©
 

"I Hate Christmas Parties" So "Merry Christmas, Here's to many more."

"I look under the tree, but there's nothing to see. 'Cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me. I can't figure you out, is this what Christmas is all about, 'cause it's a broken heart that you're giving me."

"I don't want to talk, I'm sick of all this talking. A broken heart wrapped up in a box, there's teardrops in my stocking."

"I hate Christmas parties, you offer me some punch but I just shrug. I hate Christmas parties, you and the cookie tray both hear me say Bah Humbug."

  Do you feel like that this year?

  Christmas should be a time of celebration and for most people it's about spending time with those they love most.
  However; what about for those that Christmas is a tough Holiday Season and it's just something to "get through" instead of taking in every moment.
  We all come from different walks of life. Maybe you don't have family to celebrate with this year, maybe you've lost a loved one due to their passing. Maybe you've had a bad break-up or a divorce. Maybe you're a single person feeling a bit more lonely during the holiday season. Maybe you do have family around but no one ever really communicates or shows any interest in coming together.

  If you are feeling melancholy this Christmas season I just want to say that it's okay to feel that way. Don't feel that just because everyone else is or seems to be more in the "Christmas spirit" than you are, that you're some terrible person for feeling otherwise. Maybe you are more of a Grinch this time around, it's nothing to feel bad about.
  Things in life happen and sometimes the events that take place change the way we respond. I for one am all about decorating as much as possible with as many lights as possible. Baking and getting caught up in the festivities. I love Christmas! It's my favorite Holiday! This year though, it seems I am not ready for it. It has come so quickly and I feel I wasn't prepared. I'm having to deal with the fact that I didn't plan well and my decor isn't at all up to par with my expectations of "how it should be."
  I feel a bit sad this year for reasons I'm not entirely sure of at the moment... It has been one of those years that instead of listening to joyful happy and merry music, it's been more dull and melancholy and guess what? It doesn't matter. I enjoy it and it's actually soothing for me. I've been listening to songs that minister to my spirit of where I am right now, not where I want to be. I think it's important to be validated in the moment sometimes, so that you can move beyond it.
  Despite everything that I think hasn't fit the bill or didn't meet my expectations. My hopes, dreams and desires that are not even close to being completed. My heart, having been broken on different occasions from different things, I realize that through it all God has been with me and that's enough!

I made it through the year and I did not even collapse 
Gotta say, "Thank God, for that" 
I'm torn between what keeps me whole and what tears me in half 
I'll fall apart or stay intact 

With tired eyes I stumble back to bed 
I need to realize my sorry life's not hanging by a thread 
At least not yet 

It always hurt to be all by myself this time of year 
A cold and lonely Christmas eve 
And living out my days alone 
Well that had been my deepest fear 
But you promised you won't leave 

I look towards the east and see a star 
Jesus Christ, it's blessed my life to know just who you are 
You are my hope 

So, "Merry Christmas, Here's to many more." -Relient K

Ayi yai yai...

Hello Everyone,

  If I seem scatter-brained during this post, it's because I am. I have another post saved as a draft for the moment but I felt compelled to write this out instead. I think I just have so much on my mind to write about at the same time that it makes it hard to sit and concentrate on just one piece at a time. Ha.

  My last post was "quick" as the title said but probably not really an "update". I won't go into details, nothing bad has happened so don't worry, but my lack of writing up here for you all is because I've been busy and was in a season of transitions. Probably still am but I've been trying to just give it all over to God. He has been faithful to direct my steps. [If you'd like to read my post on "Seasons" Click Here]

Quick Update!

  Good Cold and Crisp Morning to you all!

  To my faithful few followers! I'd like to do a quick shout-out and say thank you! There is much to share and I hope to get it all up soon! I hope that you are all well.
  I know it's been a long while since I've posted and I apologize! I'm happy to say though, that I'm finally back and look forward to keeping you updated. Some of you may have noticed the new layout and name. Yes, I've gone through a re-vamping stage. Time to shake things up a little bit. I was getting a little tired of the old look.

  To all of you new people out there, hello and welcome! I hope that you'll enjoy what you read and see here. This just happens to be a short quick post because I haven't been consistent as of late, so this isn't usually the norm, ha.

  Happy Friday everyone and I'll be sure to get more material out soon! Thanks again to those of you that have stuck around this long! You're awesome!

 

2013

  So... It's here. Seems, in a way, that it was quite impatient to get here. I'm not quite sure I feel the same...

  Ringing in the New Year is always a wonderful time of being with friends and family, playing games, eating good food, sharing stories and favorite memories, perhaps singing and dancing to a song or two. Maybe it's watching football or movies together until the time draws nearer and in unison, everyone counts down.

10... 9...

Epic Win

  This may more or less start as an incomplete thought but hopefully it will make sense towards the end.

  Today, after reflecting on some things earlier this week and coming from 3D last night talking with my small group girls, I finally started to understand what the Lord has been showing me. I suppose sometimes I can be a bit slow when it comes to a lesson God has been teaching me. Then again... when I really think about it, aren't we all? God isn't something you can just get because He's so infinite and none of us will truly understand and know Him till Christ comes back, however; that is also part of the adventure. Discovering new things about Him and in my own opinion, it never gets old.

  So, being that Monday I had the unexpected privilege of helping Kyle Adams, the tight-end for the bears at my job, [Click here to read on his experience/work in Haiti last summer]

Plip Plop, Raindrops

  I hear the rain as it hits my windowpane and think, wow... God is amazing. I just simply adore Him and all His goodness. It's quite late and though I should be asleep, I just felt compelled to write.

  The sound of water falling from the sky has to be one of my favorite things to hear and to know that the Lord, the One who created the world, made something like rain that is so soothing to my soul. Such a small thing.
  I think it's safe to say that everyone likes a little rain. To venture and say that everyone likes a lot of it might be a stretch. This makes me ponder my spiritual life and if I'm just plip plopping around in life without any real purpose or intention of watering those around me.

  Yes, rain can be a small thing, but with a little help from a strong wind, it can definitely go places. That's how I want my life to be. Though I may be a small droplet in the world, I know that I have a God who is more than big enough to help me make a huge impact in the lives of those around me, for the better.
  Storms can be scary sometimes, but how else are things going to get stirred up, shaken, wiped clean? When it's all over and the rain starts to slow down to a steady trickle, we can walk out and see a bit of sunshine start to creep in and be completely content with the plip plop of the raindrops, knowing that it gave us something we needed. Water to bring life. Just the same, Christ has done for us. He brought us life, real life giving water and on occasion has to stir things up a bit, but for our own good. To make an impact on us so that we in turn can make an impact on others.

  Night~

Eni Mini Miny Moe!!

  Today was quite the adventure I must say. I think that's part of the beauty of not knowing what's going to happen. Honestly, how boring would that be if we knew everything. I sure wouldn't want to know, takes the fun out of experiencing things in the moment.

  Let me start this story with a very sunny and warm Sunday of sand volleyball.

Maewyn Succat

  Wow, it's definitely been awhile since I've graced you all with my presence here in the blog world. Not to worry though, I'm back ;] I had a pretty full day and I'm only just now getting to write about it. Which is awesome!

  This morning I thought I overslept and would be late to work, luckily, [no pun intended] I woke up with just enough time to brew a cup of coffee and eat Nutella on toast. What a delicious way to start a morning, seriously... I don't care how tired you are, that will put a little pep in your step. Once arriving at work,

Beautiful Praise

  As I watch my mum praise Jesus with her old records on a new turntable, it is a beautiful sight. I am reminded of when I was very young and how we used to spend time listening, singing and even dancing together in our kitchen. Good times. As we do the very same thing now, God is so good and worthy to be praised through whatever you can do and give. Even with some very old records =].

Thankful

  I'm sitting here reflecting on the day's events, and I really don't have much to say except that I am thankful. Thankful for who God is, thankful for what He's done for me, and thankful that I can talk to Him whenever I please. I'm just simply... thankful =]

I love you Lord!

Ahh, What a Good Feeling

  I'd like to say that I've been pretty consistent in writing every ten days but then that wouldn't be true, I've missed a few in between and when I have something great to write I'm not anywhere near my laptop, so... I'm writing now just because it's the tenth day =P I won't go on a rant though.

Getting to Know You, Getting to Know all about You

  I was just thinking of that song from the King and I, not sure why... but either way, I thought of how I want to get to know Christ and know all about Him. Truth may be though that none of us will ever understand or know God, He is too mysterious for us to comprehend. However, getting to the real reason of writing this,

Motivated

  It's been two days since my baptism and I still can't believe it happened and that I actually did it. I had been wanting to do this for years but never really got the opportunity or other things seemed to be more important [which looking back on it now is quite a ridiculous statement].

  Now that I've begun to set my roots here in Illinois and am involved in a wonderful church that the Lord has shown me the areas I could plug in, I decided, this is my time to just go for it! And I did!

  Maybe for some they don't feel the effects of their baptism right away, and I'm not really sure if your supposed to feel any different haha. A friend who also got baptized that day asked if I felt any different and I just sorta shrugged and he kinda laughed and mentioned that was his answer too. Well, now that I've had time to reflect on it I can say that I do feel different,

Patience Is A Virtue

"Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all." 1 Thessalonians 5:14

  I've felt like I've been truly tested this week. My patience has been waning if you will and I've noticed how hard it is just to keep my peace, even at work when dealing with some unruly customers who in my opinion, shouldn't feel frustrated with me if I haven't done anything but try to help them and speaking kindly.

  Granted, I never know what the person might have been going through in just that one day that I had no idea of, so it could be a bad day for them, at the same time, they don't know what I may be going through and sometimes when dealing with someone who has an attitude it just sparks flames of frustration on both ends.

Fellowship

  In true spirit of fellowship I thought I'd share on how I was able to do that during family camp 2010 this past weekend.

  It was really nice first of all to be able to take Friday and Saturday off of work to be with my family up in Wisconsin at Wesley Woods Camp. We had the opportunity to get to know more of the families from the church and just have a lot of fun.

  I think one of my favorite moments was when we sang worship songs around the campfire. There's nothing like having a very simplistic approach to the throne of God and sharing s'mores with good friends and family ^_^.

  I thank God for blessing all of those who went and were able to partake in all of the fun activities, which has definitely exhausted my entire family. Lots of laughs and hopefully lots of good shots.

  Last but not least, to all the dads out there, Happy Father's Day and may the Lord bless and keep you as you continue to strive to become more and more like Christ and being the godly man and high priest of your home.